#31- Everybody Hates a Tourist

Sorry about the lateness of this post. I picked this book up last Wednesday and threw it in my bag and it kind of migrated to the bottom of standard bag detritus. Funny how that works, huh?

All right, let's get to it. First off, we've got the Challengers landed on Earth-3, where evil always triumphs! I'm not about to go dusting off my philosphy degree, but don't you think that in a world where evil always triumphs, they'd stop calling it evil? Which also makes the juxtaposition of "Crime" and "Society" a little tough to swallow. Naturally, the presence of this group of B-listers warrants the appearance of the whole Crime Society in their teeming...well, there's about a dozen. You've got your Superwoman, your Owlman (who miraculous reappears after being well-chucked away by Donna), Ultraman, Power Ring, and...oh, seriously, who cares? These are clearly not the characters we've seen in Morrison and Buseik's Crime Syndicate storylines, and since the Challengers are just on a sightseeing tour anyway (picking up a smiley little souvenir), we'll more than likely not see them again, except as foot soldiers in Monarch's little army.

This, by the way, is the first mention of Monitor forming in army here in Countdown proper. Since I've stated a number of times how desperately this series needs an antagonist, let me politely golf-clap for this Monarch appearance. But why would Monarch be set against the Challengers, who are up against the Monitors? Isn't the enemy of my enemy my friend?

Art issues on Earth-3. First of all, a reverse Earth lends itself to all sorts of neat little visual gags. None of which show up here. Hell, even the Daily Planet is still called the Daily Planet. Isn't the whole point of tourism to see new and exciting places? It looks the Challengers are going to show up on identical blocks of downtown Metropolis, mysteriously eliciting the immediate appearance of all that universe's superheroes/villians and then checking out. Thrill-a-minute! Secondly, what's supposed to be a speed effect at the top of page five somehow manages to drag Johnny Quick's entrance line out to a full ten seconds.

Back in Monitor camp, the Monitors are still mad. Really mad. In case you didn't get that. But now they're determined to stop Bob and the gang (who they couldn't find a couple weeks ago, but have a pretty good fix on at the end of this issue) by any means necessary. For instance, doing something. Too bad they killed off all those Forerunners they'd been breedin' up. Yep, a big old warrior race would probably come in pretty handy right about now.

In other news, Holly Robinson has apparently been on the worst sting operation since OJ (sorry if that joke was a little too current. At least, like the cultural references in Countdown, it wasn't all that funny). Even though she wouldn't call Selina a couple weeks ago, Holly decides its a good idea to send a letter through the Amazonian post office about how she's infiltrated the Amazons. We can presume it's addressed to "Catwoman". Next time, write by WASTE. The government will open it if you use the other. The dolphins will be mad.

Mr. Mxyzptlyk shows up for reasons which passeth understanding and is snatched out of the fifth dimension. Hell of a band, "Age of Aquarius" is one of my favorite songs. Do I even want to ask whether this is the fifth dimension of Earth-1 or whether there's only one fifth dimension for the entire multiverse or AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! My head!

The newly mohawked Eclipso finally gets to chat up Mary Marvel, informing her of pretty much nothing. Even if we assume Mary Marvel is stupid enough to team up with the woman who killed her friend, Sue, the art here is terrible. Particularly problematic is MM's petrification of the Turkish guards. We fet a "fwash" then a "pok", but at no point do we even see these guys have been turned to stone. At least a panel missing, sloppy work.

Over in Karate Kid's neck of the woods, KK has apparently aged into Karate Middle-Aged Dude (KMAD). My favorite line of the week is Singular Girl's "Why would the mysterious Mr. Orr who we know nothing about possibly lie to us?" Gee whiz, KK, if you can't trust shadowy biotech geniuses with questionable mustaches and Darkseid on speed dial, who can you trust? For extra laziness, Buddy Blank apparently lives in "The Burbs". Dear DC Editorial: you operate a fictional universe with a whole list of fictional cities, each of which (with the exception of Opal City) presumably has suburbs. Take two seconds and pick one. Buddy, whose grandkid has a certain resemblence to Kamandi, don't you think, is going to take KK and Singular Girl off to see Brother Eye, who I guess is not evil anymore and will probably tell them to go see someone else.

Runner up for best line of the issue? "No one likes a dated pop culture reference." Here's the thing, you can only make fun of how bad a series used to be once it's gotten better. Jimmy asks the $64,000 question, "What's happening to me?" and gets, unsurprisingly, no answers.

Well, you know next issue, Tony Bedard promised things were going to get all kinds of crazy. So this ish is probaby just a set up. You know. For the craziness.