#26- Expositionaggedon

You know what the Countdown team could have done to completely win back my heart? Simply titling this issue "Monitors watching monitors." That would have done it.

You know, I've had that joke in my head all weekend? How sad is that?

So starting this week, I'm following a whopping three weekly storylines: this one, Messiah Complex and the Return of Ra's A Ghul. Which puts a simultaneous strain on the patience and the pocketbook. Somehow I expected this would mean $10 a week worth of whiz-bang fun, but as I read through these three books, I realized I was following the resolution of a storyline I never really bought into with the X-Men and the surprise resurrection of a character whose superpower is resurrection. Next week will decide the fate of both storylines, but for now I'm feeling fairly yawny across the board.

But you're not here to find out about my comics purchases. You're here for non-stop Countdown to Final Crisis action! And title change means non-stop exposition!

This issue's purpose seems to be two-fold. The first is to bring new readers onto the title and get them caught up. Now some comic book companies might have done this by promoting the issue through ads. DC opted to promote this as a jump-on issue through Newsarama's weekly Countdown rundown, which, particularly during the contentious first weeks of Mike Carlin's reign on the title, is sometimes more interesting than the book it discusses. Before I post this, maybe I'll stroll around the corner and ask the fine folks at Comics for Collectors if they've seen a jump in sales. The second purpose seems to be alerting those of us who've been on board (almost typed "bored") for the last six months that we've been effectively scammed out of $77.74.

The art on this issue is the best we've seen so far. The layouts have a cramped, claustrophobic sense that effectively gives the reader the feeling of being crammed into Monitor HQ. Even the linework on characters contributes to this feeling and I really think that along with an improvement in the script, the art plays a huge part in making this issue feel taut in a way that the previous twenty-six installments don't. Tellingly, the art feels ill-fitting in the issues two interludes which occur outside of Monitor HQ and fail to evoke a feeling of open space.

Calling this issue a recap doesn't quite hit the nail. What this issue manages to do is bring together most (not all) of the stuff that should have been clear from reading Countdown and make it clear for the first time. Yes, it's highly annoying that the Monitors are once again deciding to rally behind Bearded Monitor, which they decided to do in, like, the fourth issue? And it's equally annoying that they declare war on...um...bad things. Things they dislike strongly. But at least we get some sense of what they're trying to avoid.

So here's the deal. The Source Wall(s) separate each of the 52 universes from one another, which is pretty important. Every time someone passes through one, it degrades the Source Wall a little bit, like termites in wood. If this keeps up, the Source Walls are all going to collapse, resulting in a Final Crisis, which is not to be confused with a Great Disaster. So Monarch and Bob the Monitor are bad news. I think it's still okay for Bearded Monitor to jump from HQ into whatever universe he damn well likes, but since I can't for the ever-loving life of me figure out where in this cosmology Monitor HQ, Apokolips or New Genesis are supposed to be located, that's just an assumption.

As if a Final Crisis wasn't enough, we're apparently also staring down the barrel of a Great Disaster. Karate Kid, who was hale and hearty last week, is suddenly vomiting blood. Greatly Disastrous blood. Once he's out of his containment suit, his Karate Sense starts tingling (you know, KK, that tingling feeling might just be the deadly virus) and a helpful Firestorm shows up to blast the whole gang into the offices of Command D. Firestorm's got one of those truly baffling backstories that regularly force DC to ditch its entire continuity, but the (possibly) relevant point here is that he contains one-fourth of the Life Equation, which is like the anti-Anti-Life Equation that Darkseid's so keen on. Good to know, eh? Thanks, wikipedia!

Possibly my favorite line this week is Bearded Monitor's assertion that apparently "SOMEONE considers Olsen invaluable." Certainly not readers, but someone. Jimmy, in case you haven't been reading, has developed wacky superpowers, most prominently the power to not get his dumbass self killed. What's not mentioned here is Jimmy's connection to the Source Wall, or the fact that there's a new Source Wall that contains all the dead New Gods. Jimmy and Forager dive right into Apokolips and get dropped like a box of rocks by a small army of Parademons. So much for that plan.

Oh yeah, someone's been killing the New Gods. So, along with a Final Crisis and a Great Disaster, you can add the End of the Fourth World to the mix. Which wouldn't be such a major concern, except that the Fourth World is the current DCU.

Mary Marvel's decline in mental health is mentioned, but that's about it. And perhaps the same hand is behind all of these things? Perhaps a big stony hand in a big blue glove? Perhaps the hand of the guy she's shown cowering before on the cover?

With all that bad news mapped out and the assertion that someone is certainly behind it, the Monitors, spurred by Bearded Monitor and Probably Kryptonian Monitor, decide to go to war against whoever happens to be certainly behind it. PKM makes with a sneaky little smile and a line about fear being a powerful motivator, straight out of the Sinestro Corps training manual after interrupting BM's communication with (wait for it) someone unidentified! I hope those guys know fear is also the path to the Dark Side, but seeing how versed everyone in Countdown is with films of the 1980s, I'm sure they do.

Next up, it's time for some interludes! The first is a reveal that really could have waited til next week. I mean, come on, give us a minute to sweat it out, why don't you? Yep, Jason Todd's switching of teams was a clever ruse, coordinated with the omniscient and totally useless Bob the Monitor so that the Challengers could teleport to somewhere still not very far away. The important thing about this interlude is that it gave the writers a chance to drop in this week's offensive adolescent put-down. Since Jason is so aggressively heterosexual, there's no use impugning his manliness, so Donna hits him with her "Re-Todd" zinger, receiving a high five from Kyle for her effort. Again, folks, this is not okay. How can we make this any clearer? Using sexual orientation or mental disability as insults is not okay. Words like "gay" or "retarded" should not be used as pejoratives outside a fucking elementary school. Editors and writers at DC, please grow up and stop putting embarassing crap like this in your comics.

I really am looking forward to issues where I don't have to include little tirades like that in my reviews. I can't express enough how much I'm looking forward to that.

The second interlude on Earth-15 opens up what looks like a whole new can of worms. A character who looks a whole lot like the post-resurrection Superman flies off into space with Earth-15's Lex Luthor, who looks like not such a bad guy. I mean, anyone whose willing to throw a thumbs-up at a camera can't be pure evil, can they? We know Zod is wearing the ol' blue and reds on Earth-15 and that the black suit was for maximum absorption of yellow sunlight. Oh, and we know that Black Suited Supes was getting chummy with Cyborg Supes and Kingdom Come Supes in the second teaser image. That, my friends, is about all we know. To clear up a minor point, my understanding of current continuity is that the S-symbol stands for Kryptonianism in general and not just the House of El, so your guess on this new guy's story is as good as mine.

Holly, Piper and Trickster are noticeably absent from BM's rallying speech, indicating that neither he, nor the editors have any idea how their storylines tie in. Mike Carlin has intimated that only two out of the three are going to be around by next month. Anyone want to place a bet?

I know I read the first installment of "Thy Kingdom Come" over in JSA, and I know it's probably of crucial importance to Countdown, since it contains not one but two universe-hoppers, Supes and Starman, who is one of my favorite folks in the DCU at the moment. But I can't for the life of me remember what happened. I'll give it a re-read and post on it if it seems relevant. The Death of the New Gods seems to be moving at Starlin speed, which is slow but steady (catch the "steady" part there, Countdowners?), with Mr. Miracle donning darker colors and heading for Apokolips with Superman and Orion, and Takion finding a new Source Wall that looks more like the devil's rec room. Instead of becoming one with the Source, the souls of the recently deceased New Gods are getting stuffed and mounted, which will probably lead to some sort of Great Crisis or Final Disaster.

Unfortunately, I didn't manage to get my hands on the first issue of Crime Bible, but I've got a copy coming soon. Like a lot of people, this was the 52 spin-off I was waiting for. Even if DC can't summon up the intestinal fortitude to launch a Batwoman title, cause lesbianism is clearly such a blow to sales, at least Montoya's back in rotation.

Not a bad little issue, except for Donna's awful little comment. I feel like the story is on more solid ground than it has been, and there were less WTF moments here than previously. Maybe DC truly has circled the wagons?